5 Ready To Date Misconceptions That Can Set You Up For Disappointment & Unfulfilling Relationships

Yay! I’ve been hearing back from some of my Get Ready for Love Again participants from last May, and they’re ready (and some have begun) to start dating again!

How about you?– Even with COVID, ready to meet a high-quality date? It feels like the general mood, especially with the states who are faring better…

Before you accidentally set yourself up for disappointment and unfulfilling relationships, consider this….

Below are some common misconceptions about dating that may delay your process or even get you lackluster results. (Let’s keep the encouragement high while we have you in a good place, right)?

Ready to Date Misconception 1) I just need to slap together a profile on a dating site, and dates will appear.

Why this doesn’t work:
You need to think of this like a marketing person would — where is your Ideal Love Frequency match most likely going to be?Is he the type to really look for a niche site, or would he try more just the first thing he’s aware of from tv?

Also, you need to make your profile INVITE him into the world of your Love Frequency. You can do this through photo selections but also what you choose to write. Sure there are the (what I feel to be awful) questions about surface-level things. But in the places you can personalize, you’ve got to make it scream, “do you want this quality of relationship too?”

Do This:
Get in touch with your Love Frequency (from Step 1 of the Secure Lasting Love System) and make it your job to find places to infuse the energy and quality of this inner knowing into your profile. This will help attract higher quality matches from the get go. 

Ready to Date Misconception 2) It would be easier to just have a matchmaker find me a high-quality date and I’ll take care of the rest.

Why this doesn’t work:
Without a crystal clear vision of who is an ideal match (aka Love Frequency), your matchmaker will be shooting in the dark – just as much as you.

Also, if you’re struggling to attract someone decent online or offline – there likely are internal blocks to attracting him. This is just the Law of Attraction principles. Which means, regardless of who your intermediary is – a friend, matchmaker, dating service, or a community project… those internal blocks will be pushing against your inevitable success on the other end of just processing them.

Do This:
Many resort to matchmaking to take the pressure off ‘them’ messing up in choosing dates, even if they say it’s time or not finding success on their own. Look closely at those fears of messing up, of repeating patterns of the past, and what’s really in the way of you attracting Mr. Right.

Too, begin to define your “invitations” – those moments you share a part of your Love Frequency – so you have opportunities to Lovingly Discern if he’s a good fit. You’ll need to commit to being a leader in your own love life by making those invitations – no matter how much you want things to magically fall into place, no matter how much you prefer to be taken care of by him, no matter how much you want him to ‘worth’ opening up to before giving him a pulse of who you really are…

Ready to Date Misconception 3) All dating sites suck – they match me up with the worst of humanity.

Why this doesn’t work:
Recognize the source of your date facilitator — it’s technology. Technology that is built off algorithms that follow your clicks to ‘learn’ who you’re really interested in based on certain ‘data points’ (which is often different than what we say we want). So if you’ve been clicking on the hot guys but not paying attention if he has resonance with your Love Frequency, you’re setting the technology (and you) up for failure.

Do This:
Schedule times to go onto your dating site/s. Before you go on, make a point to spend at least 3-minute tapping into your love frequency. Plus, make a commitment to yourself to stay focused on what you’re really doing — attracting and discerning who could be a good match to your Love Frequency. This isn’t social media (although many sites are gamified to make you feel that way). This is something more significant. Only click on and message back those who feel like they could resonate with your Love Frequency

Ready to Date Misconception 4) He (or we) should pay for the date. And that’s that. 

Why this doesn’t work:
Every person has a unique dynamic between masculine and feminine – and what is balance – for them. Giving to a date(like paying) is masculine energy. Receiving from a date is feminine. If your love frequency is really built upon equality – you’ll want to find a way that respects that and takes into account his own preferences. Or, if your Love Frequency relishes the way he spoils you, you’ll want to figure out how to honor that. Point is – don’t follow dating rules because someone else said them. They may not fit you.

Do This:
Decide what’s appropriate for your ideal relationship and Love Frequency. If it’s that he pays first, or always, help your man out. Give him some clues about what will make you most happy – because a gift is most powerful when joy accompanies it. For example, “Sure — lunch sounds great! If possible, I’d prefer some place quieter and with a salad option… want to make sure I can hear you without distraction.” Or, “Yeah, brunch sounds great! I really enjoy spots with good music and a trendy vibe like ___, ___ , or ___. Would something like that also work for you?” Or, if you like to pay sometimes, you can offer in advance, or even take turns treating each other to a date.

Ready to Date Misconception 5) It should be clear from the beginning if he’s Mr. Right.. or not.

Why this doesn’t work:
Even if you were soulmates – you’ve had a whole lifetime up to now. Getting to know each other where you’re at today is a learning process that demands curiosity, open-mindedness, and discernment. Also, when you’re dating according to a Love Frequency, it doesn’t usually look like the typical “interview style” getting-to-know you… or the faces/walls to be someone attractive to go on 2,3,4th dates. It’s often more nuanced and an intentional unfolding of ‘chemistry’ and ‘safety’ that leads knowing quicker of there is is long-term compatibility. 

Do This:
Ideally, you’re showing up with presence to the woman you are in an ideal relationship (aka Love Frequency). Taking leadership in your dates in this way gives a very different dynamic to dating – one based on a response, leaning in, and curiosity to where there’s tension. (During tension, there is learning and a connection point). All this should surround the topics and things most important to your frequency. Because if he’s a true match to that frequency, he naturally will have similar affinities (aka resonance aka could be Mr. Right). 

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