5 Steps for Genuine Connection

Georg Baselitz via CFA Berlin
Georg Baselitz via CFA Berlin

On the subway I read that the average person will lie three times within the first 10min of meeting someone.

I do not know if this is true; I certainly don’t feel like it is so common in the circles I interact, but it is worthwhile of consideration anyway.

Why might someone lie, and would it be consciously?

In meeting strangers, we are encountering future friends, co-workers, lovers, neighbors or simple acquaintances!

While no one probably thinks this immediately when we meet someone, it is a lot of pressure nonetheless!  There is social pressure (by conditioning of what’s polite and the association back to how you two connect) to perform well.

So do people lie? Maybe.

But the better question is, “How can I show up genuinely to my best self when I’m under stress?”

I offer that Vulnerability and Self Confidence are two keystones to the pillar of authentic self expression.

Vulnerability isn’t a weakness; it is like the underbelly of a turtle. It is our true nature, revealed. There is beauty in seeing a part exposed; it is a gift to share it. And for this reason, it is a place of power and strength to find how best to share the gifts of yourself.

Self confidence comes from trusting yourself by seeing the results you have created in relation to your intention. It also allows you to see what you bring in balance to the same appreciation for what others bring.

How to develop these attributes?

First of all,
1) Recognize the qualities that make you, you.
Create a list of values, adjectives, gifts and talents you have.

2) Evaluate which of these qualities you share or keep private.
Go through each quality one by one. Be honest with yourself. It is not yet time to make decisions on how you might want change your behaviors. Also, there is nothing wrong with keeping parts of yourself private, and if you do, treat this interior space as sacred, like your secret garden. Be open to change your mind later.

3)Address yourself as if you are meeting yourself and notice what your defaults tend to be and what you tend to share.

4) Reframe your context to what interactions could include.
Now is the time to see in where you have opportunities to share your vulnerability in self confidence. Imagine the types of settings you could open up. Give yourself possible prompts to remind yourself when you can shift your behavior and participate in a more genuine and dynamic conversation.

5) Practice!
Challenge yourself to practice vulnerability and self confidence. Set a goal of a number of interactions, go back to your places/situations list to find where you could practice. And write a reminder in your calendar or alarm clock on how you want to show up when you will be in those places to practice.
Gradually increase your practice times if you can, but at least do it for a month. This way it can more easily become a habit!

Connection is one of the most enriching human moments we can enjoy. Let us consciously make the choice not only to avoid lying but to excel at genunuity to show up more fully in our lives!

Please share your experience by commenting! We all grow stronger and more confident the more we recognize intentional success for ourselves and with others!

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